Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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