oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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