I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
