Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
