I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize