I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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