if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
