Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
