id be glad to
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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