the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
