We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I want a musical about memes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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