It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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