got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
