Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
