So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
