Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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