:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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