My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
