i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
