I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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