It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
