everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
