in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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