i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
