I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
