I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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