Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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