so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
