Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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