OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
