it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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