I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
