Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
