You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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