i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
