just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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