About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
