I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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