i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
