He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
