I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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