I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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