everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You've changed since you got that strap on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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