Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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