I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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