kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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