in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
