I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
