so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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