One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My life is pants optional.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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