Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
