I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
