does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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