so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
