The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
