How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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