i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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