$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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