your thong is hanging out like whoa
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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