Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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