Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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