If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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