he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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