We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
