I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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