it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
