addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
