Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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