mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
