I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
