I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize