dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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